Jazbaa – A Review

Sanjay Gupta directs Aishwarya Rai Bachchan, Irrfan Khan and Shabana Azmi in Jazbaa. Jazbaa in Urdu is supposed to mean Passion or rage and that is what Aishwarya feels as her only daughter is kidnapped and as ransom she is asked to defend a rapist and murderer. This being Ms Rai’s come back vehicle the expectations were sky high but a ham-fisted approach at direction is what lets this movie down.

Sanjay Gupta continues his blatant plagiarism with Jazbaa being “inspired” by Seven days a Korean film. Gupta dresses up every possible light source in an unnatural Green and Yellow hue to imbue mood but he goes overboard it just becomes laughable. The story isn’t uninteresting in the right hands it could have been a half-decent revenge/thriller flick but with Gupta manning the reins the multiple plot points seem to appear at minor distractions and do not lead to any conclusion. Take for instance the fact that Irrfan who plays Yohan the most decorated Mumbai cop fighting corruption charges is allowed to roam free even in the court of law while he is evading arrest, then suddenly towards the end he ends up running a dhaaba. Niyaz’s wife who shows up to testify has a side plot of an insurance windfall which is raised as an important point but then left unanswered and unexplored.

Sanjay Gupta also favours style over substance to an absurd effect. Yohan runs around being a top Mumbai cop wearing leather jackets. I am from Mumbai and trust me – NO ONE wears leather jackets EVER unless you want to feel like you are permanently in a sauna. The scene where Irrfan breaks Aishwarya’s car’s glass made everyone in the theatre laugh out loud as it made no sense. Also Niyaz’s strangely affected accent and propensity to speak in English more than Hinglish seemed to belie his character traits. Shabana Azmi who finds Aishwarya’s to have broken and entered into her dead daughter’s house and going through her laptop reacts in the most bizarre of the ways by not reacting at all! Almost all of Shabana’s time on screen is spent in a Xanax induced stupor and she lacks any “Jazbaa” at all. Also the over the top melodramatic dialogues that Irrfan spews forth seem unwarranted and almost dated.

Acting-wise Aishwarya veers between hysterical at the loss of her daughter and tough as nails defence lawyer. She isn’t entirely without merit but for a comeback a lot more was expected and she fails to deliver. Irrfan is quickly being stereotyped into these roles and for someone of his clout (Hollywood and all) and talent the waste is criminal. Shabana Azmi usually a firebrand is too mellowed down here and lack any real fire in her performance. I mean she was Santokben Jadeja for crying out loud.

A little more focus from Sanjay Gupta and this movie could have been as good as Zinda was even though it was also an entirely unoriginal remake of OldBoy. Also Sanjay Gupta wants us to believe that this is a movie that addresses the violence against women by spewing stats at us during the credits which seem like a last minute thought to placate the number of women who will be offended by the way the said rape is recreated thrice and the creature responsible for it seems to suffer no regrets or remorse and the total and complete lack of shock/disgust that one would expect Aishwarya’s character to exhibit.

I will hold out one final hope for Aishwarya to reunite with Sanjay Leela Bhansali and that will be a comeback that she deserves.

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Bang Bang – A Review

Siddharth Anand directs Hrithik Roshan and Katrina Kaif in Bang Bang the official remake of Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz starrer Knight and Day. Bang Bang also serves as a reminder that two phenomenally beautiful people in stunning locations do not an interesting movie make.

Siddharth Anand director of such cinematic gems as Ta Ra Rum Pum and Salam Namaste proves yet again that he is the master of the art of insipidity. The movie jerk starts with a scene straight out of Karma where Dr Michael Dang is captured and put in a jail cell and a righteous police inspector comes in and lands a tight one on the left cheek. I almost expected Danny Denzogpa to mouth “is thappad ki goonj ki goonj…”

Katrina (who must really have killed off her stylist’s cat for her to hate her so much) plays Harleen Sahani a Bank receptionist who has the ability to take and transfer calls on a retro phone, who sits and types while staring at a screensaver of Santorini and who either talks to herself or to a grandmother who has no sense of personal space. She gets swept away by international criminal Rajveer played by the brand ambassador for Mustard Oil Hrithik Roshan.

Harleen and Rajveer are under attack from goons of Danny and Javed Jaffery and the agents of ISS officers Pawan Malhotra and Vikram Gokhale. Where do I even begin with ISS – they are supposed to be India’s CIA/MI6 and they can’t even issue legitimate looking badges. And Sujoy Ghosh, who scripted Kahaani – in my opinion India’s best thriller, makes the most obvious of blunders. The whole plot and premise of the extradition treaty is willy nilly forgotten and everyone just goes about shooting everyone while Katrina sleeps.

Of the actors there is really no saving grace for any of them. Katrina who usually carries off the ditzy blonde roles off with élan is unbearable and thanks to her stylist is almost unbearable to look at as well except in a few shots in meherbaan. Hrithik with his charm offensive criminal with a heart of gold isn’t half bad but is saddled with a script that has him playing more kanaiya than krrish. Pawan Malhotra tries to pull a Nawazuddin Siddiqui and end s up looking more like ACP pradyuman.  Deepti Naval proves that the bills won’t pay themselves and that even legends like her have to play the grieving mother. Danny Denzogpa and Javed Jaffery play the bad guys from what appears to be a bad parody of every bad guy ever depicted in Bollywood.

Plotholes aside it would have at least been bearable if there was enough adrenaline pumping action to keep one entertained. There is so much talking going on and most of it courtesy Katrina Kaif and her confusion at being caught up in all this mess that I did pray that Hrithik has more of those tranquilizer shots to sedate her. And whatever little action there is is ruined by the overpowering music which can only be described as the illegitimate child of Hans Zimmer’s score for the dark knight and Martin Garrix electronic dance music. Vishal and Shekhar who are able to turn in at least one memorable track per outing seem to struggle massively with an entirely forgettable soundtrack.  The camera work is also shoddy with the action sequences being shot in a way that you don’t see any real action being captured and some of the tracking shots actually lacking in focus which results in hazy pan shots. The big reveal? its actually quite obvious 20 minutes into the movie and you need to be as dimwitted as Harleen to have to sit through the entire movie to be amazed by it. It is trademark Sujoy Ghosh if you know what I mean.

As if it weren’t enough that we are stuck with uninspired writing, directing and acting that we are given the wonderful gift of blatant product placement. I counted 10 – Johnson Tiles, Hokey Pokey, Samsung, Philips, Pizza Hut, Ray Ban, The Q Shop, Volvo, Mountain Dew & Macroman.

The intensity of Bang Bang’s stupidity is only matched by the vigorousness of its insipidity. Stay as far away from this movie as possible and watch any old Tom Cruise movie instead if action is what you crave and don’t mind a bit of plot thrown in for good measure.

Kick – A Review

 Sajid Nadiadwala the producer with the Midas touch dons the director’s hat for the very first time and directs Salman Khan, Jacqueline Fernandez, Randeep Hooda and Nawazuddin Siddiqui in Kick.

A Salman Khan movie defies explanation here is a fully grown man nearing 50s and he still acts like a precocious child and still runs circles around the young bloods of Bollywood when it comes to action sequences.  He has insane (not in a good way) dance moves and facial expressions which are more ham than a quarter pound hamburger. But still Salman is arguably the most loved of the three khans in Bollywood today. And with kick he firmly establishes his creds as the king khan of Bollywood.

Salman Khan Movie Kick Review and Release date

Nadiadwala, Rajat Arora and Keith Gomes adapt a 2009 Telugu hit of the same name and kick the adrenaline levels up a few notches.  Salman plays Devi Lal Singh a genius of extraordinary proportions who cannot keep a job because he needs a constant ‘kick’ to justify his existence. He finds this in helping friends to elope with their girlfriends, by being the Good Samaritan and protecting the women folk from the evil eyes of pumped up goons. He meets and falls in love with Shaina played by the surprisingly beautiful Jacqueline Fernandez.  Through curious circumstances Shaina meets Ace Cop Himanshu played by Randeep Hooda who is on the trail of a masked vigilante. What follows is a game of cat and mouse with enough wisecracks and witty one-liners to fill an entire season of Comedy nights with Kapil.

The action is fast paced and the exhilarating. The chase through the narrow lanes of Delhi and the stark streets of Warsaw is gripping to say the least. There are many visual influences from Hollywood action capers and blockbusters which are very apparent to the trained eye – like the underground police headquarters is curiously similar to the one in skyfall after the MI6 is blown up, the scene with the slo-mo pigeons is textbook john wu, Nawazuddin’s Shiv Gajra is clearly heath ledger’s joker inspired. But the inspirations here do not distract and are rather used masterfully to augment the adrenaline factor. Ayananaka Bose’s work behind the camera is exceptional it is soft and romantic in the Hangover song and it is gripping and thrilling in the action sequences, the tracking shots, the slo-mo action shots are all done exceptionally well. Himesh Reshamiya’s music also plays a good supporting role to the entire movie and the songs don’t seem to appear without a rhyme or a reason. The only real sore spot in the entire movie is Nargis Fakhri’s item number – the girl as pretty as she is cannot dance.  But I am happy to overlook that because what we get in that less than a minute of Jacqueline’s Latin routine in the Jumme ki Raat had me picking my jaw up from the floor.

Like I said in the beginning – A Salman Khan movie defies explanation any reason and cannot be critiqued but all said and done the acting is good, the action is great and Jacqueline is a revelation. Dhoom 3 be damned – this has to be the highest grossing Indian movie of all time – because Kick is infinitely better than the Amir Khan caper.

Watch it for a full “Paisa Vasool” entertainment that does not really need you to keep your brain at home – it does not insult your senses (except for a London bus in warsaw) and still manages to be funny, sexy, slick and thrilling at the same time.

 

Chashme Baddoor – A Reivew

Fiurst-Look-Poster-Chashme-BaddoorDavid Dhawan the maker of all the No.1s with Govinda returns to Bollywood after a long hiatus with his attempt at remaking the classic Chashme Baddoor and it appears the laziness in the remake isn’t limited to the unoriginal title.

Not having seen the original which everyone who I spoke to remembers fondly I went in as a blank slate ready to be transported to the typically David Dhawanian utopia where pelvic thrusts are a professional qualification second to none. In that aspect I wasn’t disappointed there are pelvic thrusts and then some and most of them come courtesy Siddharth who plays the wannabe actor Jai

Pelvic thrusts aside there is very little that is reminiscent of the David Dhawan of the past. Dhawan specializes in mass-appeal, loud, self-deprecating humor that is at times annoying but mostly enjoyable fare with not a lot of grey-cell workout required.

The three friends are played by Ali Zafar, Siddharth, and Divyendu Sharma and object of their affection is played by newcomer Tapsee Pannu. Ali Zafar who ruined a perfectly enjoyable “Mere Brother Ki Dulhan” is relentless in his endeavor of ruining another movie here. For someone as good looking and talented (in my books if you can sing you are talented) he is wooden and unlikeable in every shape and form as Sid. He tries to channel everyone from shah rukh khan to dev anand and the end result is less than successful. Divyendu who shot to fame with his angst-ridden Nishant in Pyaar ka Panchnama is equally annoying as the shayaari spewing Omi. Neither of his 50000000 Shayaaris is funny. The southern superstar Siddharth who garnered favorable reviews in Rang De Basanti manages to expunge the last of the carried forward good-will with this role. New-comer Tapsee is thinned down version of Zarine Khan in both size and talent and that is saying something for Tapsee’s talent as Zarine is practically size-zero in the talent department. Everything is loud and crass and thoughtless.

Why does Anupam Kher do movies like these? There are surely better things that are offered to him as the premiere character actor of Bollywood but for every Wednesday he does another 50 Chashme Baddoor. Here in a double role which serves no purpose he is doubly wasted. The only bit of charm and genuine warmth to be sought comes from Rishi Kapoor and Lillette Dubey as the past-prime singletons they are charming in the limited time they spend on screen but again it begs the question what purpose do these characters serve other than the mandatory Chamko reference which also seems as out of place as the hair-do on Zafar’s head during the final song.

Speaking of the music – it is mostly unintelligent noise which assaults your eardrums with the power of a super-sonic jet. The editing is non-existent and the entire movie seems like a giant puzzle which a 2 year old put together trying to force pieces where they don’t belong. Continuity is left in the cold storage on the same shelf as coherence and consciousness – sample this – in each of the flashbacks – the girl’s clothes don’t change but the guys are all wearing different outfits, as the forlorn lover when Zafar walks in with a bottle of alcohol it is clearly a screw-top bottle but when they pop it its magically turned into a bottle of champagne.

The anti-Tobacco PSA which played at the starting of the movie and during the intermission were more enjoyable than the entire movie and that is the final insult I can hurl at this waste of time and money.